I went to the counselor at 1pm today and to tell you the truth….. He really helped me out a lot. I def need to get on my meds but that want be until next mth if I have not lost my job yet. I am bi polar and no one cares- and I am talking about a job.,, I am suppose to be going tomorrow but I might call out then… And I know I will be fired then. I need help, I pray I can go tomorrow. I really want to go Tuesday but I know that, is just a dream, I guess I will see what happens tomorrow. I will let you know what are my choices that I will be living with tomorrow.


Still feel depressed

  • Ok, my depression did not not just start today or yesterday! It started about 2 weeks ago, while at work. But for the last week I have been down, very down and I have no control over it! When I wake up in the morning ( just like today) I am scared and down. Since my job is paying for me to see a counselor- I wonder what they are going to do for me? I went the first time to a counselor and I thought it went great because she had the same thing I had- bi polar but I felt like she was talking more about her problems then mines and I felt rush so I wonder how this guy is going to do! Man, so that I can work and keep the job I have – all I want is meds! All I want to do is get better and people keep giving me the run around. I remember when I was in Georgia and they had a free clinic where you talked to a psychiatrist and they had group meetings after that you got your medication, if you need it! And it was like $5.00. But I’ve been looking up for that same type of treatment. And it seems like “Stupid Jacksonville” has NOTHING! And on that note- it seems that my mother (rih) was the only one who believed and understood what I was going through…. I am a Christian with a disorder and I need help. Also why people think mental illness is not real and if you take medication, it is a placebo to make you think it is working? I have people in my family that think like that! And it irks my nerves! One thing I will say, be careful who you tell your business….. Mental illness is as real as cancer!

Where is help, when needed 

I’ve been going through something’s and when I need help- I can’t even get it! Like I had stated way before-I am bi-polar and I have stop taking my pills. I went two years in not taking them but it has hit me that I need to take them to get better. I still believe that God has healed me and I will be healed but in his timing. This post makes me seem so fake because of what I said in my previous post…. But I guess that is a mind of a bi polar person! Anyways, well I have been asking people for help because I need to start taking something immediately before my insurance kicks in on June 1st. But I cant seem to find anything or anyone to help me. I might lose my job because of my illness…. And that sucks.. I really have no control over what I feel right now! Anyways just sharing my thoughts you all have a bless day,