As a Christian…….Do I really know God like I should? Do I trust Him like I should? Those are the questions that rummage through my heart. Today, I have come to realize that the problems that I am facing in my life —- I don’t even care about anymore…. I just tell God, whatever happens, happens:

If I lose my job, I don’t even care, If I am broke, I don’t even care and etc,etc,etc

In my mind, if I am going to live paycheck to paycheck then I rather die. Because, that is not the life I want to live—-There are goals that I want to accomplish and working for someone puts a limit on my money and how I need to use it to better my life…. I want to be a Christian Singer and living paycheck to paycheck want fuel the passion I want to become real in my life.

I am just not going to be concerned about anything anymore. It takes too much out of me to be positive-because I feel that anytime I am positive, nothing goes right or at least some nice changes-would be great!

I feel stuck, like I can’t go anymore… And now I sit here trying to figure out how I can become unstuck and just concentrate on making my dreams come true, w/o a stupid job being in my way. Even though I feel the way I feel….Some where in my heart–I still need God.

So, I ask you…..Do I really know God like I should, and Do I trust Him like I should? Better yet, Do I have any faith in Him,like I should?

There is a life that I see so many people go through… Follow the same foot print as the other…. I want to go the opposite and have a better life, an amazing life before I leave this earth–I don’t want the children that God bless me with to struggle like I have and do now (at least not financially)- Don’t want my future children to struggle at all-but definitely not financially. There will be trials-and I can’t stop that, but financially I want them to be alright.

The moral of this blog: I want God drenched in my life but I want to be financially free, and when my children come out of that age when they start to notice life I want them to know that financially they have nothing to worry about!!!

The question is: Where do I go and what do I do now? I don’t want to go to work tomorrow knowing that I did nothing to change my life and to have the Christian Singing Career that I want!!!!!!


2 Replies to “AS A CHRISTIAN”

  1. The contradictions that I found when trying to align my “dreams” with my belief was assuming they had everything to do with my relationship with our creator. This may be adding to your struggle and it’s not your fault because religion we’ve been baptized in has little to do with what is written in the bible. We try and make God EVERYTHING and that was never His intentions. He wants to be set apart and supreme…yes! So we start our anguish everyday waiting or working our minds hope in who God is gonna make our dreams come true…and it just doesn’t work that way. Our universe doesn’t work that way. We need others in our lives for completeness not just to fill our emptiness. God said it was not good for Adam to be alone. God said that…So start small and realize as I have that the problems you face at your job that make you wanna call out are the same that gonna make you wanna not go to the studio and record. I’m not saying stay in a bad job but if you leave leave for the correct reasons. Every house needs a foundation and it needs to be based in reality not in fantasy, not in long shots that you must in debt yourself the whole way for possible to be a possibility. I am the ultimate goal maker and dream chaser…I have made alot of mistakes. And I found the greatest is not knowing when to give up on bad habits that breed worse ideas found more in Hollywood than in life. Around us is all that is…we go too high and the air becomes too thin…we dig too deep and the pressure crushes. There as a place for you…you just must learn to integrate and except certain truths and find and maintain a true north. Forget balance because it is often not attunement we often mistake the two….and trying to balance your life we the tides you’ve prayed day and night enter rushing in with great severity will not only make you lose balance but your mind and God will go silent unless the conflict of you askings and your emotions send you to the rocks. Be well and I hope my struggles lend strength to your cause. P3AC3

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