Angry Black Woman

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This is just a laughing manner what I am about to talk about. But still serious- This little story I am about to tell you, has let me look at myself.

Sometimes my husband makes me want to smack him right upside the head! When he gets in his moods (nothing irate) just him being bothered about something as a man which he has every right to be bothered by this little situation that he is in that he knows and I know we should not be in at all.

I then get angry because I can’t do anything to make it better and then I feel out of place and when I am trying to talk to him and he is acting like a butt-I get mad and start cussing. Well, today I just left him alone and kind of said one cuss word…But I stopped it right there—I did not let it go any further.

Then while I am at Barnes & Noble, I sat down and God brung to my attention: “Every time you are in a bad mood or you throw one of your temper tantrums, he does not get angry or upset, he understands and let you be you until you are better. He does not curse at you at all!” That was God chastising me right there.

So, I am going to have to work on my temperance when it comes to him acting a certain way, Especially if his ways are justified. And as I stated before I do agree on why he is a little upset about the situation we are in.

But, we will get out of it and honestly- it will never happen again. It is up to us to change a negative situation into a good one.

I will apologize to him…So, don’t worry ladies!!! 🙂

self-reflection
I need to look at myself and order to change myself.

A lesson learned!

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Yesterday, was a day of revealing that I have somethings that I definitely need to work on and change….And today I feel God’s spirit while I am typing this blog and I feel at peace. Excited about going to church to worship the God that has helped me along the way :).

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While at church during a sermon God was speaking to my pastor about putting up a wall so you want get hurt. And forgiveness.

I will say, that I really dont want to let a lot of people in my life and I am actually letting people that I let in my life/ my heart- I am building up a wall with them because I dont trust them and I feel that they really dont care about me at all.

And I feel good doing that. I am starting to make my circle very small and careful who I share my heart with.

So, I made a decision to concentrate on God/My Marriage/ and my Singing Career- and I will be careful who I share my heart and life with. I dont want to be hurt anymore and I dont want to allow anyone to have mind control over me.

And satan: YOU ARE A LIAR! AND YOU WILL NOT HAVE CONTROL OVER MY LIFE ANYMORE!

I have to concentrate on what matters……People are going to be people…And I cant change them, but I can CHANGE ME! 🙂 And I feel good saying that 🙂

PS. Also, I am going to begin thinking about things more before I do or say anything. Like in my last post….I am going to be very conscientious of everything I do so that I can make wiser decisions!

My heart is too precious to just give to anyone. I will give my heart to people that love me for who I am.❤- I have a heart that God has given me that is meant to share with the 🌎 and I am alright with that.

But I am still going to be careful. Because not every one deserves me and I am a great person and if people dont see that and want to take advantage of me, then it is thier lost! I know my self worth because of the God I serve!

Time Machine and Bearing Your Cross

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As I was watching Family Guy, most episodes show Stewie using a time machine.And as I was watching the 1st season of Family Guy…………………

For the first time tonight I was thinking about how I would go back to my past self and stop myself from using credit cards/ stay strong with the mental abuse and reasons of why I should get a beaten/I would tell my past Erica to put her nervousness aside and say yes to my mother with auditioning for La villa Art Performing School/ I would not worry about being married or going out with any boy until it was the right time too- meaning I would not be in such a rush to be in a serious relationship and I would stay to myself to just concentrate on God and my singing career.

I would tell my future self to not get any student loans and think very carefully when making decisions. I would actually be very strong and conscientious about having friends as well. I mean I would be talking to my past self about everything that will happen in the future if she does not make the right choices…. Better choices…

And then I would go to my mother and talk to her and cry my heart out because I know that when I go back to my future she would of been passing away, And I would prepare my past self for my mother passing away in 2009. Maybe my past self can prevent my mother from pasting away in 2009 or maybe that is the yr that God wanted my mother home with Him. Who knows? But sadly, all of this is just wishful thinking.

Now, I am here today 10/31/2015 Saturday, trying to figure out if my life can and will get better and when can I get out of the situation that I am in. I want to feel bad and be upset and depressed but something in me is causing me to just keep going forward and do me. I believe that is God and His spirit letting me know that I am going to be alright and things are going to get better but it is up to me.

THIS PARAGRAPH I WANT TO SHARE WITH YOU,THIS JUST CAME TO MY SPIRIT:

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I am not saying that there is no one out there that has a worst life then me but I am carrying a cross and I think I am doing good and we all have our crosses to bear. My situation may be little to you and your situation may be worse then mines but remember I am still carrying my cross and sometimes my burdens seem heavy but because of God I always make it through.

Please, anyone who reads this. Please don’t compare your life to others saying, “You think you are going through something” or “You think you went through something”. Do not down what some one is going through… Like stated above, we all have our crosses to bear. Instead help that person get through what they are going through. Don’t put there burdens on the shelf because your burdens are bigger than theirs.