Even though I feel the way I feel, I still have that %10 left. Hopefully I will be %100 one day 🙂


Sometimes the silent cries are the worst ones.A person that is suppose to love God (well I think I love Him, I don’t know right now) I think about death a lot. And the reason why I think about my demise so much because:

1. I am never consistent with spending time with God
2. My financial life is crap!
3. I always make decisions off my emotions and I make my life even more worse to the point that I feel like I will never make my life right again (Hell! I am about to be 30 this year and I have not a damn thing going for myself)
4. I have like %10 of hope in my life. I even told God that if I do take my own life please don’t feel sorry for me and don’t think it was His fault- I messed up on my own life, if I would of followed His rules my life would be better then it is.

Just to get back on what I said above (“well I think I love Him, I don’t know right now”)- I say that because I want to leave this earth (take my own life). I just don’t know if my life will get better financially. I know this is sad what I am saying,but in my post, until I get my life completely right with the MAN UPSTAIRS—you are always going to get the good with the bad.

I am a woman, a sinner saved by grace and every breath that he gives me is another chance to get my life right with Him.

P.S Please pray for my mind and heart to get real with Him. I am trying my best!!! I am trying my best.  I feel weak like I can’t handle the things in my life anymore. I am weak,right now.


One Reply to “IT IS UP TO ME!”

  1. Whoever reads my this post, please just read in btw the lines. Me talking about my death, is more of a cry out of wanting a better life. Yes, I know it is up to me, but it is not easy. Any feedback with God in the feedback would be great. I made my life like crap, I do know that satan is trying to find a away to get me out of here, but like I said before…. I have %10 of hope left. It is better then having no hope at all.

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