The title explains it all. I know I was suppose to be documenting my weight loss and my eating habits, but I have come to the conclusion that it’s deeper then weight loss. Emotionally, if I do not get my emotions under control, my weight will spiral out of control. So (for now) I am basically cutting a lot of foods out and taking my time to eat more consciously: So, that I can get my emotions under control. My past has a lot to do with my weight issues. A lot of vocal abuse that might have traumatized me a bit without thinking about it.
Like it says in the bible: Proverbs 12:18- There is one that speaks like the piercings of a sword: but the tongue of the wise brings health.
I will not name any people but if better things were spoken into my life at a young age, I truly believe that I would not have to deal with emotional eating or bulimia. Yes! I said, “BULIMIA”. At one point in my life, because I love the taste of food and I can not control my eating: I would devour or binge as much as I wanted and then once I was satisfied I would purge. That was back in 2008/2010. And I thought about doing it again because I am like… I do not think I am going to be able to control my eating. I mean, it is like a monster just eating away at me and I don’t think I have any strength to fight it.
I had a talk with my husband about 2 days ago. I broke down to him in tears explaining what I go through on a day to day basis. I explained that wanting to eat is a pleasure to me and I love it! Eating takes care of my anger, depression, sadness, and happiness. This is how it has always been since I was 14 years old. A lot of other things contributed to this: UNHEALTHY SINGER, but I will explain more in a later video. But below is a video of my heart and the struggle. I did this video on: April 14th 2017.
P.S. My husband is helping me like he always has but this time I am listening to him, instead of doing it my way!