As I started off with this series of an UNHEALTHY SINGER. It was about weight loss now it is turned into more of me being unhappy, depressed, not wanting to sing anymore, wanting my father’s love…….And the list could go on. I need to be content but I am not content. I know some will tell me to do something about it, but when you are where I am at then you will understand my story. I am not trying to make any excuses- I am just trying to understand who I am and what direction I am going. For example:
I feel like I fail every day because one moment I am doing good and the next I am not. I want to stay consistent but it seems like I never succeed. I will honestly say, that I do feel like my weight has dropped a little ( maybe inch wise) But I need to check the SCALE~
I ask myself this question: How bad do I really want it? Do I really care about my singing? Can I really have a singing career? Am I unique? I do know that I want to share my gift with the world to make an impact on other’s lives and I do know that I do not want to waste my talent at some “job”.
That word above plays such part in me being depressed sometimes. I am learning to do better with my money but I sometimes do not succeed with staying consistent with doing better with my money……. I mean I am just TERRIBLE, lol! And I am not making that much at my job. But next month things should change a bit, but guys! I am really trying. And trying is just not enough for me.
When it comes to a Father’s LOVE, it is very important to me. I am talking about the man who raised me in his on way, the best he knew how to raise me. I want his love so bad to point it hurts. I use to put: wanting my father’s love in the back of my mind, to prove that I was strong enough and did not need his love, a Father’s love but I do. My dad’s love would have prevented a lot of things in my life that went wrong if he would have given me and showed me his love.
I want to say what I say and DO IT. NO Excuses. I want to stay committed to everything and put my mind to it. I want to be grateful even when I do not have that much money on me. And even when I want to run away from God or I choose not to talk to Him and do it my way….. I know that He will be the one to fix Ol’ Erica. But I have to take some steps, you know?
I need some guidance…… I am going to ask God for guidance and then I am going searching.
PS. Every time I write my post, I sometimes get my answers. writing these post are therapeutic for me and they help me think. This is not just about my weight anymore, but about everything in my life that I need to conquer.
I guess this is what you call a Journey! This is my Goliath!