Today, I realized something. I do not think I tackled what I went through in my past. The reason I say this is because out of emotions today, I stuffed myself and bitched until I just started crying as I swallowed food that I didn’t want in my body. I have cried before when I stuffed my face out of emotion and then in return I made myself throw up ( I was on borderline of being bulimic)
I have always said that the verbal abuse that I received as a child did not have any effect on me, but I noticed that today that it was a lie! It has affected me. That is why I can say so proudly that I am fat, a big girl, big ass and etc. I don’t say it to boost my self-esteem. I say it to beat anyone that thinks about it or wants to say it. So, if they do come with the verbal abuse, I will feel better that I accept who I am.
The good thing about this is that I realized that those words did traumatize me. And now I have to fix what was done to me. I have accepted I am weak when it comes to food and discipline in my life, period. But the other good thing about that is, I choose to become better, I choose to beat what satan is trying to stop God from doing in my life. I cry as I write this blog because I want to WIN IN LIFE and I am not going to let this beat me. I can’t and I won’t!