Taking control of my LIFE!

Fuel is food not theraphy

Today, I realized something. I do not think I tackled what I went through in my past. The reason I say this is because out of emotions today, I stuffed myself and bitched until I just started crying as I swallowed food that I didn’t want in my body. I have cried before when I stuffed my face out of emotion and then in return I made myself throw up ( I was on borderline of being bulimic)

I have always said that the verbal abuse that I received as a child did not have any effect on me, but I noticed that today that it was a lie! It has affected me. That is why I can say so proudly that I am fat, a big girl, big ass and etc. I don’t say it to boost my self-esteem. I say it to beat anyone that thinks about it or wants to say it. So, if they do come with the verbal abuse, I will feel better that I accept who I am.

The good thing about this is that I realized that those words did traumatize me. And now I have to fix what was done to me. I have accepted I am weak when it comes to food and discipline in my life, period. But the other good thing about that is, I choose to become better, I choose to beat what satan is trying to stop God from doing in my life. I cry as I write this blog because I want to WIN IN LIFE and I am not going to let this beat me. I can’t and I won’t!


Drastic Changes


Do not Rely On A Job!!!

From what I’ve experienced yesterday, I am through with employers! I am going to find every opportunity whether through working at a job or making money other ways so that I can invest and get out of working for people!  Jobs are temporary in my life and are only there to pay my bills and invest. I have come to the conclusion that I can not stay at a job for too long because if I do, I will mess up my life even more (this comes from experience). I do not care how much I make hourly… If I am not using the money I make to invest then it is a waste of time in my eyes.

Take the opportunity to work for yourself and to answer to no one!

Do not get caught up in being at a job too long because they can and will let you go in a heartbeat w/o giving you an explanation-at least that is with Florida ( Florida is an at-will state)-Meaning they can let you go and they do not have to have a reason why.




As a Christian…….Do I really know God like I should? Do I trust Him like I should? Those are the questions that rummage through my heart. Today, I have come to realize that the problems that I am facing in my life —- I don’t even care about anymore…. I just tell God, whatever happens, happens:

If I lose my job, I don’t even care, If I am broke, I don’t even care and etc,etc,etc

In my mind, if I am going to live paycheck to paycheck then I rather die. Because, that is not the life I want to live—-There are goals that I want to accomplish and working for someone puts a limit on my money and how I need to use it to better my life…. I want to be a Christian Singer and living paycheck to paycheck want fuel the passion I want to become real in my life.

I am just not going to be concerned about anything anymore. It takes too much out of me to be positive-because I feel that anytime I am positive, nothing goes right or at least some nice changes-would be great!

I feel stuck, like I can’t go anymore… And now I sit here trying to figure out how I can become unstuck and just concentrate on making my dreams come true, w/o a stupid job being in my way. Even though I feel the way I feel….Some where in my heart–I still need God.

So, I ask you…..Do I really know God like I should, and Do I trust Him like I should? Better yet, Do I have any faith in Him,like I should?

There is a life that I see so many people go through… Follow the same foot print as the other…. I want to go the opposite and have a better life, an amazing life before I leave this earth–I don’t want the children that God bless me with to struggle like I have and do now (at least not financially)- Don’t want my future children to struggle at all-but definitely not financially. There will be trials-and I can’t stop that, but financially I want them to be alright.

The moral of this blog: I want God drenched in my life but I want to be financially free, and when my children come out of that age when they start to notice life I want them to know that financially they have nothing to worry about!!!

The question is: Where do I go and what do I do now? I don’t want to go to work tomorrow knowing that I did nothing to change my life and to have the Christian Singing Career that I want!!!!!!

Your “VISION”-Let It Bloom In Front Of The World

I want to share something with the world and I really want everyone to take this in….. I am so serious about what I am going to say that I want it to touch everyone and I mean everyone……It might even help that one person who is being Peer Pressured.


When you have a dream that is permeated in your heart, DON’T  LET IT GO!… Make your dreams come alive in this world. Do not let anyone tell you that it is not worth pursuing because they do not see your VISION. If they don’t believe in what your vision is about then don’t ever tell them about your plans of having a successful life. Even with friends/co-workers, you will know if they share the same mindset as you, just by having a simple conversation with them-and if they don’t share your VISIONcut them lose from your professional lifeYOUR dream, YOUR vision.




Don’t Stop! being who YOU are, and what YOU are trying to succeed in life; just because your family/co-workers/or friends don’t believe in YOU. If YOU stop pursuing your dreams YOU just prove them right and then YOU are not happy. Even if you fail, it still does not prove them right, it just means YOU need to find others ways to change the world or continue working on your successful life-it just means you are closer to your success. Believe me, I have failed plenty of times…and I feel it in my bones and have faith in God that I am closer then I have ever been.


If you don’t believe in yourself, then how are you ever going to make your dream come alive! Disney said it best, “A dream that you wish will come true”. Don’t trust in anyone to support YOU or believe in what YOU are doing to make your life better.

“Always trust God and believe in yourself”

You are the only one that is going to make a difference-Make it now :)-Erica Simpson-Guthman

A changed has to come

It pains my husband and I to know that we have to push ourselves to go to a job that does not fulfill our purpose in life-

“what we want to do with our lives is bigger then anyone can imagine” 


I was speaking with God about this problem, that we have, and while I silently waited- I started to tear up, and I said to God, “You Understand”! and once again, He was letting me know that He was there and He understood our situation. My husband and I are working on some Amazing Things to replace our jobs income. I can not wait until that happens!


This is my definition of fighting "My" depression. What is yours?
This is my definition of fighting “My” depression. What is yours?


There is something that I want to share with you…Share with the world…… There is a lot I want to tell you, but I don’t want to let a lot out because of the mere fact, I want you to get to know a little about  me each day.

Since I was 17, I  have been fighting with  DEPRESSION. Where it came from,well, I have a  mental illness history on my father’s side; And the harder I get close to God the more satan tries to bring “oldies” back into my life. Today, I am having a depression episode… I am emotional and I really do not want to do anything today but I have to keep working hard so I can have a better life then where I am now. I can not accept this life I am in today, I want better….But with having depression, It is hard to do what I need to do-Talking to God (which is my motivation) I strive to do what needs to be done.

Do I still feel depressed after speaking to God? Yes and sometimes No. It depends on the situation-but  it is because of God’s Strength & Perseverance that I am able to get through my STORMS.

I use to take medication, which made me sleepy, that is “one ” of the reason I stop taking them. There was a time that I would go on and off the  medicine, which comes to my “second” reason: I believed that I did not need it as much as the Psychiatrist propose. I am proud to say that It has been 2 years since I have been off my medication. Do I need it now because I am having an episode?  I still say, no!! I want to fight this and I am not going to rely on a pill.

 In the past, around my early teens and early 20″s I needed the medicine desperately because I was not in control. I can say now, that I am in control of  “Erica”-and I do not need the medication anymore.It really does not benefit me at all-once the pill wears off then what do you do? You take another one and another one after that- it never ceases! It is almost like drinking or smoking constantly-once the high wears off, you are back to reality.

What gets me through my illness is God and I am going to depend on Him ( I am not trying to be religious, it is just my belief in Him).  I am not downing anyone that has depression and is  taking their medication for their illness- you are not me and I am not you. Not everyone can do what I do or what I have done. I do believe that people that have depression, if you feel that you are ready to stop, then stop. However, if you are not ready, then continue taking your medication. Just do what you feel. I did and I am doing great, I just have my days. DON’T! stop taking the medicine because of me, this is just my theory and what I feel is right for my MIND,BODY and SPIRIT 🙂


I Feel a little depressed today. Everyday I wake up, it is the same routine. I am not going to say much because I do not want to start anything but things need to change. And it starts with me. I was laying on the floor watching a movie and as I was watching it, I thought to myself,  I am the only person that can change my life. And me sitting here depress is not going to change nothing. So, after I write this post I am going to work on my dreams that I am trying to accomplish before this year is over with.  Man, God is good… I could of slept through my misery, but I chose to do something to make a change financially and mentally-train my brain to work harder. Where I work at is not going to change my life, being depress is not going to change my life.

“Erica (through God who strengthens me) is going to change her life!!!!”.Image God, please give me the strength because for me, this journey is going to be hard, and I am already about to cry. Who ever is reading this understands what I am going through. When you don’t have anyone trying to push you and you have to push yourself it is a very hard feeling…. But, I am proud of myself for being able to use the strength God gave me to push myself to accomplish my dreams. I feel pretty good now that I have written my thoughts down.