God…… “Make My Brokenness,Beautiful!”

I have this same song on my channel. But the reason that this song was sung again was because God kept putting this verse on my heart: ” Will Your Grace Run Out” And the way I was feeling, I had to sing this song. Because now, there is a different meaning to me of what this song means at this time. Will you allow God to show you how beautiful you are in the midst of your pain and sorrow? This was my worship to God, and I knew He heard His child crying out.

 

Erica Simpson’s New Singing Video

I made a new cover song. The song that I am singing is called: Called Me Higher By All My Sons & Daughers. Go Check it out and don’t forget to subscribe to my channel if you like what you hear. Also, like, and comment as well. Any critiques will help a lot.

Here’s the video.

 

Unhealthy Singer 14: Perservere

Persevere

Something happened to me at church…….

Yesterday and even on Saturday I was not prepared to sing at Church ( May 7, 2017, Sunday). I did not want to sing and I felt so down and irritated. So I told my pastor that I was not spiritually ready to sing and I do not know if I am just depressed or is it my “diagnoses” of being bi-polar? As I said a while back in one of my old post: I do not claim to be bi-polar at all.  I really feel that what I went through at 18 years old was something that any normal person would go through. I just was in a lot of pain and did not know how to control my emotions. ( I will talk about that in a later post of how that all began).

But back to what I was saying, So after I explained all that to him, he then tells me NO! In such a calming way, lol. He explains to me why I should get on that stage and fight through the problem I am dealing with, and that what we fight are spiritual battles- ( Ephesians 6 )  In Ephesians chapter 6  it explains how we are fighting what we can’t see. And my pastor basically said, “You will defeat the devil by going on stage and worshiping God through worship and song”. And in my spirit, I accepted and understood what he was saying. And I did it! I persevered!

After I sung, I sat down and felt like a warrior. I knew right then that I had won my battle. It felt good. I felt relief.  That put a whole new perspective on my life. To just push through, Persevere ( Galatians 5 talks about the fruits of the spirit) and persevering is one of the fruits. My pastor helped me to understand what it really feels like to fight the battle, and know that you made it through. I know that I have fought many battles because I am still alive today.

But this battle was different for me. It had something to do with my singing. I keep saying and I will always say it, “How can you have a gift and not feel like using it, especially when it is something God has given you”? I guess that is where satan comes in and tries to attack every avenue of your life when he knows that God has something awesome for you and that God gave you such an awesome talent and gift that satan does not want the world to hear or see!

So I will continue to persevere. Starting today.

Remember this : There will always be that one person that can impact your life, to change something about you so that you can move on to the next chapter of your life.

What is one of your fruits that you need to work on? I mean, we all (at some degree) need to work on all of the fruits of the Holy Spirit. But what is one that you have a hard time dealing with?

Mines is self-control and perseverance.

Not only have my pastor impact me, but I have had a lot of people and loves one in my life teach me a thing or two and  made me take a second to rethink everything in my life. One of them is my husband and brother.

And to end this post. Here is a song that I know God wanted to keep dear to my heart. Maybe it will opened up your heart to Him

Galatians 5: Fruits of The Spirit
Ephesians 6: Battles

 

Unhealthy Singer 13: Healing

 

 

The Healing Process
Humbleness came into my spirit. My definition of humbleness is very different from God’s definition of humbleness. 

 

 

Since my last post……..

I went to the library after work. I took a private room so that I could think and talk to God. I got some paper from the Library’s copy machine, ( I do not think I should have done that, since you have to pay for the paper when you print or make copies, lol) I guess I’m a thief! But anywho, I then went back to my room and I sat down and began to think. I made 4 categories: One was for God, the other Singing Career, the other Weight loss, the other was finance and last but not least My Vocals.

I started making bullets for each category on what I need to do for each one. When I was done, I said to God that I want to be “persistent, consistent, I want to persevere and I want self-control”: I put that in the God category. I then looked at the categories and I saw how the other 4 categories surrounded my God Category. I then said with amazement, “It all begins with You! Everything that I want and desire and need begins with YOU!”

I’ve been running, losing faith and belief, and questioning Him and His existence for so long; I go around in circles to the point I am in a big deep round hole and when I’m tired of doing things on my own and my way while I am in that deep hole, I somehow find myself looking up to Him and going right back to Him to start over. That’s kind of like relationships, huh? lol.

The whole point of what I am saying is this is a healing process and for me, it starts with God. I have tried to do it my way and run away from Him. But I am like a child on a leash-He will let me go as far as that leash will take me, but He will always pull me back when I go off too far.

In conclusion: I am in a healing process….. If I start with God and do things the right way, MY LIFE WILL BECOME EASIER. I will still have bumps and bruises and might even add on more but if I stick with Him I will be just fine. It starts with Him, It starts with HIM.

Unhealthy Singer 12: This is a Journey

 

Same Old Street Change Blvd
This fits perfectly for my journey. This about sums it up!

 

As I started off with this series of an UNHEALTHY SINGER. It was about weight loss now it is turned into more of me being unhappy, depressed, not wanting to sing anymore, wanting my father’s love…….And the list could go on.  I need to be content but I am not content. I know some will tell me to do something about it, but when you are where I am at then you will understand my story. I am not trying to make any excuses- I am just trying to understand who I am and what direction I am going. For example:

My Weight:
I feel like I fail every day because one moment I am doing good and the next I am not. I want to stay consistent but it seems like I never succeed. I will honestly say, that I do feel like my weight has dropped a little ( maybe inch wise) But I need to check the SCALE~

My Singing:
I ask myself this question: How bad do I really want it? Do I really care about my singing? Can I really have a singing career? Am I unique? I do know that I want to share my gift with the world to make an impact on other’s lives and I do know that I do not want to waste my talent at some “job”.

Finance:
That word above plays such part in me being depressed sometimes. I am learning to do better with my money but I sometimes do not succeed with staying consistent with doing better with my money……. I mean I am just TERRIBLE, lol! And I am not making that much at my job. But next month things should change a bit, but guys! I am really trying. And trying is just not enough for me.

Father’s Love
When it comes to a Father’s LOVE, it is very important to me. I am talking about the man who raised me in his on way, the best he knew how to raise me. I want his love so bad to point it hurts. I use to put: wanting my father’s love in the back of my mind, to prove that I was strong enough and did not need his love, a Father’s love but I do. My dad’s love would have prevented a lot of things in my life that went wrong if he would have given me and showed me his love.

I want to say what I say and DO IT. NO Excuses. I want to stay committed to everything and put my mind to it. I want to be grateful even when I do not have that much money on me. And even when I want to run away from God or I choose not to talk to Him and do it my way….. I know that He will be the one to fix Ol’ Erica. But I have to take some steps, you know?

I need some guidance…… I am going to ask God for guidance and then I am going searching.

PS. Every time I write my post, I sometimes get my answers. writing these post are therapeutic for me and they help me think. This is not just about my weight anymore, but about everything in my life that I need to conquer.

I guess this is what you call a Journey! This is my Goliath!

Philippians 4:13

Unhealthy Singer 10: I need to fix Erica!

I have a video that I find very interesting and deep. And the reason this video is touching to me is because I am finding out more about what I need to do to take care of ERICA before I worry about working for myself and starting my own singing career. When you watch this video, you will see how I am FIGHTING to do better. I pray this helps someone because it is helping me. The struggle is real. And honestly, with God’s strength, I am going to win! I have to. Maybe in God’s eyes, I’m already a winner.

 

Food Journal

04/26/2017 Wednesday
– 1 Grilled Patty
– Grilled Chicken Sandwich with fries and a minute maid lemonade Strawberry/Raspberry
-Apple Juice ( did not finish it all) with 2 bags of M&M’s ( did not finish the 2nd bag) I did share that with my husband.

Note: I am going to have to find something to substitute my midnight snacks! Anyways God Bless and have a wonderful day!

Unhealthy Singer!

The title explains it all. I know I was suppose to be documenting my weight loss and my eating habits, but I have come to the conclusion that it’s deeper then weight loss.  Emotionally, if I do not get my emotions under control, my weight will spiral out of control. So (for now) I am basically cutting a lot of foods out and taking my time to eat more consciously: So, that I can get my emotions under control. My past has a lot to do with my weight issues. A lot of vocal abuse that might have traumatized me a bit without thinking about it.

Like it says in the bible: Proverbs 12:18- There is one that speaks like the piercings of a sword: but the tongue of the wise brings health.

 I will not name any people but if  better things were spoken into my life at a young age, I truly believe that I would not have to deal with emotional eating or bulimia. Yes! I said, “BULIMIA”. At one point in my life, because I love the taste of food and I can not control my eating: I would devour or binge as much as I wanted and then once I was satisfied I would purge. That was back in 2008/2010. And I thought about doing it again because I am like… I do not think I am going to be able to control my eating. I mean, it is like a monster just eating away at me and I don’t think I have any strength to fight it.

I had a talk with my husband about 2 days ago. I broke down to him in tears explaining what I go through on a day to day basis. I explained that wanting to eat is a pleasure to me and I love it! Eating takes care of my anger, depression, sadness, and happiness. This is how it has always been since I was 14 years old.  A lot of other things contributed to this: UNHEALTHY SINGER, but I will explain more in a later video. But below is a video of my heart and the struggle.  I did this video on: April 14th 2017.

P.S. My husband is helping me like he always has but this time I am listening to him, instead of doing it my way!

Get away from the BLOOD SUCKERS!

learn to say no advice

This video was done on April 13th 2017. I meant what I said in this video but I feel much better today. I feel better from that day. But the feelings that I portrayed in this video are true and I mean every word from the bottom of my heart.  JUST LISTEN TO MY HEART! Hopefully this will reach out to someone who might need to hear this!

Try not to JUDGE, YOU really don’t know ME!

From the situation that has came into my life, I am learning to not take peoples lives for granted,anymore. Meaning, I am not going to let money/work life/ or whatever it is be more important then the love ones in my life. From my understanding and in my own opinion I believe that we take peoples lives for granted without knowing it, and then when God is ready for them to leave this earth, we then realize what we had. And I can say this because of what has happened to my Uncle (RIH). My uncles death was not natural, it was a violent death, and in saying that: YOU REALLY,NEVER KNOW WHEN YOUR LOVE ONE WILL LEAVE THIS EARTH! I did not think that a bullet would rupture my uncle’s chest and then bam! I get a call that he is gone! And to make things worse, my uncle is dead because of someone (that I know) took it upon themselves to take an innocent life!: Within a moment he was here and then gone.

I do not really care if it was self defense, other precautions could of been taken before it resulted in death by a bullet! In saying all of this, you never know what life may bring, so take each day seriously and work on your life to become better: physically, mentally and financially but do not let it replaced the one you love to the point, talking is not important or saying I love is not important anymore. LIFE, is really too PRECIOUS. Do not take it for granted. Or you will be like me- wishing I would of told my uncle I love you more and talked to him more and took him out more! Even though he was on drugs, he still was my uncle breathing Gods air and I took him for granted and judge him. How I judge him?

By thinking he is on drugs, I did not want to be around him
By thinking that he does not remember me, I barely said anything to him
By holding anger in because of the way he was. I knew that he could be better then what he was, what he succumb to.

There are a lot of things we could of done to help my uncle get off of drugs. If we would of just stopped our lives for a moment! And lend a helping hand,prayed for him,  (he believed in God, so put the word of God in him) but no one (other than my brother) did anything to help my Uncle. I just judge just like the rest of us did. My brother, my cousin (his son) took him by the hand and loved on him and to my knowledge “Never Judge him.” Regardless of the usage of drugs, they still saw Uncle.

So, my thing is: Look at your life and look at other’s. Is your life that bad that you can’t stop and say I love you, let me pray for you,let’s go out, let’s talk, let me hug you, Or I will listen-POUR YOUR HEART AND MIND OUT TO ME: And if you want my advice, I will give it but only if you ask.

The situation with my uncle has changed my whole perspective on life and how I think. And my priorities. What is more important: Money or Life? I choose LIFE!!!! Because once that person is gone…..Money damn sure, can’t bring them back!

My advice: THINK, SIT BACK, BREATHE, LOOK AT LIFE, GET IN THE SLOW LANE FOR A WHILE. You will see more to life than: Materials and Money. You will see what God really has,what He has created. You. will. see. His. BEAUTY

don't judge

 

The Silence Of The Girl

enjoy-the-silence
This is perfect for a singer like me!

SILENCED! They say, “And so I will”

Silence……Is…..The…….Key!

You know when things seem out of whack?- the first time and a couple of other times you are angry and upset and always reiterating your feelings of why you hate the predicament that you are in? Then as months and days go by you decide to just shut up! and become….. SILENT!? Well, “Today Is That Day”. I still speak but whatever I am bothered or upset about… I just keep it bottled in and I hide it in my Brain Closet-clever. Silence is the key for me. I think it is better that way.

 

Have a bless morning and stay tune……”THE SILENCE OF THE GIRL”