Unhealthy Singer 13: Healing

 

 

The Healing Process
Humbleness came into my spirit. My definition of humbleness is very different from God’s definition of humbleness. 

 

 

Since my last post……..

I went to the library after work. I took a private room so that I could think and talk to God. I got some paper from the Library’s copy machine, ( I do not think I should have done that, since you have to pay for the paper when you print or make copies, lol) I guess I’m a thief! But anywho, I then went back to my room and I sat down and began to think. I made 4 categories: One was for God, the other Singing Career, the other Weight loss, the other was finance and last but not least My Vocals.

I started making bullets for each category on what I need to do for each one. When I was done, I said to God that I want to be “persistent, consistent, I want to persevere and I want self-control”: I put that in the God category. I then looked at the categories and I saw how the other 4 categories surrounded my God Category. I then said with amazement, “It all begins with You! Everything that I want and desire and need begins with YOU!”

I’ve been running, losing faith and belief, and questioning Him and His existence for so long; I go around in circles to the point I am in a big deep round hole and when I’m tired of doing things on my own and my way while I am in that deep hole, I somehow find myself looking up to Him and going right back to Him to start over. That’s kind of like relationships, huh? lol.

The whole point of what I am saying is this is a healing process and for me, it starts with God. I have tried to do it my way and run away from Him. But I am like a child on a leash-He will let me go as far as that leash will take me, but He will always pull me back when I go off too far.

In conclusion: I am in a healing process….. If I start with God and do things the right way, MY LIFE WILL BECOME EASIER. I will still have bumps and bruises and might even add on more but if I stick with Him I will be just fine. It starts with Him, It starts with HIM.

Get away from the BLOOD SUCKERS!

learn to say no advice

This video was done on April 13th 2017. I meant what I said in this video but I feel much better today. I feel better from that day. But the feelings that I portrayed in this video are true and I mean every word from the bottom of my heart.  JUST LISTEN TO MY HEART! Hopefully this will reach out to someone who might need to hear this!

Try not to JUDGE, YOU really don’t know ME!

From the situation that has came into my life, I am learning to not take peoples lives for granted,anymore. Meaning, I am not going to let money/work life/ or whatever it is be more important then the love ones in my life. From my understanding and in my own opinion I believe that we take peoples lives for granted without knowing it, and then when God is ready for them to leave this earth, we then realize what we had. And I can say this because of what has happened to my Uncle (RIH). My uncles death was not natural, it was a violent death, and in saying that: YOU REALLY,NEVER KNOW WHEN YOUR LOVE ONE WILL LEAVE THIS EARTH! I did not think that a bullet would rupture my uncle’s chest and then bam! I get a call that he is gone! And to make things worse, my uncle is dead because of someone (that I know) took it upon themselves to take an innocent life!: Within a moment he was here and then gone.

I do not really care if it was self defense, other precautions could of been taken before it resulted in death by a bullet! In saying all of this, you never know what life may bring, so take each day seriously and work on your life to become better: physically, mentally and financially but do not let it replaced the one you love to the point, talking is not important or saying I love is not important anymore. LIFE, is really too PRECIOUS. Do not take it for granted. Or you will be like me- wishing I would of told my uncle I love you more and talked to him more and took him out more! Even though he was on drugs, he still was my uncle breathing Gods air and I took him for granted and judge him. How I judge him?

By thinking he is on drugs, I did not want to be around him
By thinking that he does not remember me, I barely said anything to him
By holding anger in because of the way he was. I knew that he could be better then what he was, what he succumb to.

There are a lot of things we could of done to help my uncle get off of drugs. If we would of just stopped our lives for a moment! And lend a helping hand,prayed for him,  (he believed in God, so put the word of God in him) but no one (other than my brother) did anything to help my Uncle. I just judge just like the rest of us did. My brother, my cousin (his son) took him by the hand and loved on him and to my knowledge “Never Judge him.” Regardless of the usage of drugs, they still saw Uncle.

So, my thing is: Look at your life and look at other’s. Is your life that bad that you can’t stop and say I love you, let me pray for you,let’s go out, let’s talk, let me hug you, Or I will listen-POUR YOUR HEART AND MIND OUT TO ME: And if you want my advice, I will give it but only if you ask.

The situation with my uncle has changed my whole perspective on life and how I think. And my priorities. What is more important: Money or Life? I choose LIFE!!!! Because once that person is gone…..Money damn sure, can’t bring them back!

My advice: THINK, SIT BACK, BREATHE, LOOK AT LIFE, GET IN THE SLOW LANE FOR A WHILE. You will see more to life than: Materials and Money. You will see what God really has,what He has created. You. will. see. His. BEAUTY

don't judge

 

Just a thought!

just-a-thought

I don’t really have much to say today but I do thank God that I am beating procrastination and sticking to what I want in life. I do pray that it is in God’s will, because when it is in His will, I believe that everything will fall in place and things will go smoothly in my life. Not saying that problems want arise (that is part of life) but I will know that everything was done in God’s timing. Plus, I want all my decisions to be better then what they were before. Just a little thought to share with myself and whoever reads my blogs. Have a bless day! And may you make a difference in life.

The Silence Of The Girl

enjoy-the-silence
This is perfect for a singer like me!

SILENCED! They say, “And so I will”

Silence……Is…..The…….Key!

You know when things seem out of whack?- the first time and a couple of other times you are angry and upset and always reiterating your feelings of why you hate the predicament that you are in? Then as months and days go by you decide to just shut up! and become….. SILENT!? Well, “Today Is That Day”. I still speak but whatever I am bothered or upset about… I just keep it bottled in and I hide it in my Brain Closet-clever. Silence is the key for me. I think it is better that way.

 

Have a bless morning and stay tune……”THE SILENCE OF THE GIRL”

 

Don’t be AFRAID to live your LIFE!!!

Fear Not

I just notice that I was afraid to live life.  I was afraid to be happy and  joyful because of the circumstances I am in. I ask myself why should I be happy and joyful when I am in this predicament? -I am scared to be happy because my life is not they way I want it to be.

After all the questions and doubts, Today ( August 25, 2016 Thursday)   I finally decided  to live life with purpose and ignore the fear and negativity that I allowed satan to put in my mind.

satan is here to kill steal and destroy-don’t allow him to.

It didn’t work when I said, “If you can’t do anything about it why worry”?  What worked  was when I said,” I AM GOING TO Live  MY LIFE” —AND WHAT MADE A DIFFERENCE IS: I believe I actually put it in God’s hands.  I am going to live my life and I am going to do what I need to do to get where I need to be. Because If I sit back and do nothing and I just worry about what is not happening,  I am going to waste my life away and I will not get anywhere. As I said above: satan is here to kill steal and destroy and I am not going to give that minion  any type of satisfaction anymore.

I am learning to pray through the storm and just give it to God because what I can’t control He can fix and what I can control, I can control. I feel good since I am just going to let whatever negativity and circumstance in my life go and give it to Him.

This step has took some process, it did not happen overnight. I am  just happy I recognized that my joy  is more important to my health. And I am going to live it God’s way. His way is better then my ways. What I want for myself is cool but God has better for me, which is beyond my expectations.

For me, TIME IS TICKING!!!!

I am at the end of my bridge where my life is hanging by a rope!!! I am giving myself so much rope that I am hanging myself and I don’t have that much oxygen left.  I am at the point in my life that I don’t know how I am going to get my life back on the right track. It is not enough to just try, I want to SUCCEED. Right now I am in a movie….A very long movie, and it want end until I’ve accomplish something or ANYTHING!!! or maybe until  I meet my fate. I am 30 ( I felt like I just made a statement!) UGH,  saying that makes me cringe because I have nothing to show FOR IT . Yep, I am one of those people….I want more for my life then where I am now.

I am not complaining.That will not change anything but what I want to know is how am I going to get my self out of this deep graveyard that I am in? Any answers will be helpful!!!! or shall I close my casket!!!! LOL,No, but seriously………..

 

I am way past 6 feet underground…. I am deep….  I am almost at the core of the EARTH!!!!

 

Time is ticking on this earth for me

 

 

SHARING SOMETHING MAGNIFICENT!!!

quiet-spirit

 

 

 

I AM STARTING TO NOTICE THAT SOME OF THE THINGS THAT I LOOK AT ARE NOT AGREEING WITH MY SPIRIT. LIKE FOR EXAMPLE: ANYTHING NOT DEALING WITH GOD OR MY SINGING CAREER I BEGIN TO HAVE THIS DEPRESSING FEELING ( It is like a roar in my spirit, a very big large mass feeling) . I FEEL LIKE GOD IS TELLING ME TO GET AWAY FROM THE MESS THAT IS NOT FEEDING MY SPIRIT OR MY MIND AND HEART INTELLECTUALLY. IT IS WEIRD, BUT WHEN I GET AWAY FROM THE STUFF ( THAT I FEEL THE SPIRIT IS TELLING ME NOT TO LOOK AT OR MY SPIRIT DOES NOT AGREE WITH) I FEEL BETTER. I NEVER REALLY PAID ANY ATTENTION TO MY SPIRIT UNTIL NOW. I THINK I AM HEARING GOD SPEAK TO ME IN THAT QUIET WHISPER.

 

P.S. I am sorry that I use the word depressing, that is the only word I could come up with….but with me being more elaborate …..I hope you understand where I am coming from 

2nd Chance

Second Chances

I wish God would let me start my life over at a certain age…Maybe 17? That is where all hell broke lose and I made the most stupid decisions in my life, If I could go back to 17, I would say, “Stupid!-it is going to be alright just concentrate on God, yourself and your music career.  If you continue  down this road you will make your life a living HELL!”

As I type this post I reminisce on how I am going to be 30 next month, the big 30….And nothing has been accomplished in my life. I am not going to even complain because I chose what I chose, now I have to see what I can do different to make my life better (financially, spiritually, mentally and physically) I will not sit around and mope about this and about that: That will not fix anything. My actions of 2016 will determine how I would like my life to be.

I might be getting a second chance, but just not at 17.So, I guess I will take that and run with it. JESUS TAKE THE WHEEL……….

 

Jesus-take-wheel