How important are you to them?

You will get to a point in life where enough is enough! You want to know how you will get to that point? I will tell you what you will feel.

  • You will begin to not care
  • Thier existence in your life will be forgotten
    • You will not want to be around them
    • You will not want them to touch you
    • You will close them out
    • You will want them to leave you alone
    • You will wish you’ve never met them
    • You will become silent: They say,” Communication is Key”. But when you talk about the problem and how you feel (and those reasons can be valid reasons) That talk that you are having now becomes an argument. You will notice (depending on the situation in your life) that they don’t want to hear what you have to say even though what you are saying is right and you are just trying to make the situation better. So, then you just shut up and keep to yourself because they are not getting it. They don’t want to get it!
  • You will wish you never met them-because ever since you have been with this person it has been nothing but worrying about being free, being an entrepreneur, making money,etc ( everything else about life that you have had with them is put on the back burner) because now their life consists more of the world then what God has given to them. In conclusion- The take your beautiful life for granted.
  • Your life will feel like it’s going downhill and you will fall into depression
    • Depending on who you are: You might gain weight or lose weight
    • You might become silent and build a wall so that you can protect your heart and sanity! Because all you want is love, compassion, a touch-showing that you are alive and they know that you are apart of their life
    • The plans that you have had with them of building a future you now want to just break apart from those “couple plans” and do everything individually

I am all for you doing you. But when you just make it like I am just in the relationship to be a statue and when you are ready to be bothered then “I am important” that is not alright with me, that is not the life to live!

And now I have to take control of my life and do what I need to do. I will not sit here and let anyone (even if I love this person, which I do) take over my life. God gave me a life to live, I will do it whether I am with someone or not. Humans have no control over my life, they have no power and I will not let them treat me like I am some puppet! It is enough of that! I am through!

In saying this: I am going through this right now and I am getting to a point that nothing will change until God is ready for me to come home, and that is when this person will realize everything. I’ve seen it happen before. You take your loved ones life for granted and when they are gone… Now you are ready to understand what they are saying… When they were trying to convey their heart to you for the longest while they were still breathing. Sometimes it takes silence or death to really wake a person up!

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Do not Rely On A Job!!!

From what I’ve experienced yesterday, I am through with employers! I am going to find every opportunity whether through working at a job or making money other ways so that I can invest and get out of working for people!  Jobs are temporary in my life and are only there to pay my bills and invest. I have come to the conclusion that I can not stay at a job for too long because if I do, I will mess up my life even more (this comes from experience). I do not care how much I make hourly… If I am not using the money I make to invest then it is a waste of time in my eyes.

Take the opportunity to work for yourself and to answer to no one!

Do not get caught up in being at a job too long because they can and will let you go in a heartbeat w/o giving you an explanation-at least that is with Florida ( Florida is an at-will state)-Meaning they can let you go and they do not have to have a reason why.

 

 

My Mother’s Foot Prints

This is my second video of sharing my heart through words…There is a little singing, but it is more than  that, more than me. I feel like God is doing something, I just do not know what it is yet!!! We shall see in 2018! Enjoy and I hope you get something out of this video. Love you all!!!!

 

Listen 2 My Heart

Starting with this video….It shows that this YT channel is not all about singing. It is about my heart, my life! I try to portray that in all my videos: The real, and the genuine of me ( My Heart). My brother asked me one time, ” If I just want a singing career or if I want to make an impact on the world?” I want both but what really matters to me out of the two is making an impact on others (The World). This video is to reach out to the broken and more. Make an impact! Try to make a difference!

Just LISTEN!!!

Disclaimer: Below is how I felt earlier and I still feel this way, but with looking at myself in the mirror, I let out a lot of angst and even more. I would of cut out the cussing because I was afraid of what people would think…but then I thought to myself, if I can curse around other people and God hears me, then why am I silencing myself on my blog-especially when I am feeling what I am feeling. I named my blog, “Listen to my heart” for a reason. And not all of my post are going to Angelic. I don’t like cussing at all but sometimes when you are fed up it happens. I am working on stopping my cussing only because of God and how I need to represent Him. Please do not judge me or what is said below, This actually helped me.

 

HERE IT GOES……..OH, ALSO, IN SOME OF THIS POST, I MIGHT SOUND ALL OVER THE PLACE…..THAT IS BECAUSE I WAS VENTING AND HAD SO MUCH TO SAY BECAUSE I LET MY HEART BUILD UP AND I JUST EXPLODED!!!!! NOW,HERE IT GOES…………….

 

I sometimes wonder if It is worth fighting to live the life I want? I am getting to the point where I am disassociating myself from everyone because I am learning that you can’t just be around a lot of people.  I go to a job that I am not good at. I feel like I am pick on constantly by the supervisor because to her I am not catching on and ” to her” usually by a month everyone catches on.

I feel like people at this job look at me like I am f ***kin’ stupid! When I ask a question. And most people would say, hey go look for another job…. No! That is not going  to fix a damn thing- as far as I am concerned. I need to do something that I am good at!!! Which would be singing. But then I stop and think, I am 31 years old…… There are singers now who started earlier and now they are in their prime….How can I start at such ( in my eyes) an old age.

And then I think to myself: All I have is my singing…..God did not give me this voice to just waste it all away…. It is definitely not just for singing just in a church ( do not get me wrong I love singing in church, I love being on stage and worshiping with others -who are on stage and in the congregation). I want to get out in the world and sing and get paid for what I love doing…. My worship to God is priceless and so is sharing my heart.

I’ve notice through the years the jobs that I have worked, I have never been good at….. I must be destined for something more than jobs.

I feel like people want me to put my life on hold for their upcoming and just to forget about how Erica feels and what maybe going on in her life..

My heart yearns for different, my mind yearns for different. I need to venture out and get out of Jacksonville and start a new life…. I am tired of being around just phoniness and bullshit! I feel like if I can’t get what I want in life… Then my life should be cut short….. While I am breathing I want to do better….. I know that starts with me…. But like Jessie J said: It’s Hard To Follow Your Heart, sometimes.

This is how I feel, I need to vent my true feelings….. I could of said more… But this is enough to show you how I feel at this moment. I am hurt… I have a lot on my mind and it’s beyond just work……

Stop thinking that I am OK because you see a fuckin’ smile on my face, Stop thinking because your life is going as plan that I should pick myself up and say just fuck my feelings and be happy for you. Because that is not how it works ( in my eyes , right now).

As I type this, my tears relieve the pain, and aggravation I feel on the inside. No one will ever get Erica or understand her so in return I am viewed as a different person …. Which is cool….I am not going to change for anyone only God and myself.

I would apologize to you for my cussing but I did not give my life to you, I gave it to God and He is the only one that understands. I am not perfect and never will be. I am just showing in this post that this is my feelings for right now and as said before… There is more I could say, but I do not think it would be appropriate

 

PS. Just venting,

When you be who you are, people will run like roaches…. They will stay around you if you are being phony. Be true to who you are……….. You want people to accept who you are. … You want the real around you not the fake!

Everything I am saying is because of what I am feeling on the inside. I am just fed up and tired of everything.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

We shall overcome: Be the change you wish to see in the world!

I did a cover of me singing: We Shall Overcome!!! That song came to my heart because of all of the hate, deaths, murders, bullying, suicides, racism ( which our people fought and died  to end that but to no avail we still see it today).

The children are dying younger and younger….And the list goes on. And you try to figure out why Colin Kaepernick did not salute the flag?  Because of what it stands for in this day in age. And I don’t blame him and I respect him for what he believes. Until we see change in the negativity and the crap that is happening in this world….Things will continue to get worse. And the crazy thing about it all is: We as people can stop the madness and violence. We have a choice and we have a voice…. We just choose to let satan take control and use us as an experiment. And the more we continue to fight fire with fire there will never be changed.

 

And Until we start making change and taking a stand like Colin Kaepernick did….This world will continue to go to hell in a hand basket

Agree or Disagree: It’s Your Opinion against mines!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Unhealthy Singer 13: Healing

 

 

The Healing Process
Humbleness came into my spirit. My definition of humbleness is very different from God’s definition of humbleness. 

 

 

Since my last post……..

I went to the library after work. I took a private room so that I could think and talk to God. I got some paper from the Library’s copy machine, ( I do not think I should have done that, since you have to pay for the paper when you print or make copies, lol) I guess I’m a thief! But anywho, I then went back to my room and I sat down and began to think. I made 4 categories: One was for God, the other Singing Career, the other Weight loss, the other was finance and last but not least My Vocals.

I started making bullets for each category on what I need to do for each one. When I was done, I said to God that I want to be “persistent, consistent, I want to persevere and I want self-control”: I put that in the God category. I then looked at the categories and I saw how the other 4 categories surrounded my God Category. I then said with amazement, “It all begins with You! Everything that I want and desire and need begins with YOU!”

I’ve been running, losing faith and belief, and questioning Him and His existence for so long; I go around in circles to the point I am in a big deep round hole and when I’m tired of doing things on my own and my way while I am in that deep hole, I somehow find myself looking up to Him and going right back to Him to start over. That’s kind of like relationships, huh? lol.

The whole point of what I am saying is this is a healing process and for me, it starts with God. I have tried to do it my way and run away from Him. But I am like a child on a leash-He will let me go as far as that leash will take me, but He will always pull me back when I go off too far.

In conclusion: I am in a healing process….. If I start with God and do things the right way, MY LIFE WILL BECOME EASIER. I will still have bumps and bruises and might even add on more but if I stick with Him I will be just fine. It starts with Him, It starts with HIM.

Get away from the BLOOD SUCKERS!

learn to say no advice

This video was done on April 13th 2017. I meant what I said in this video but I feel much better today. I feel better from that day. But the feelings that I portrayed in this video are true and I mean every word from the bottom of my heart.  JUST LISTEN TO MY HEART! Hopefully this will reach out to someone who might need to hear this!

Try not to JUDGE, YOU really don’t know ME!

From the situation that has came into my life, I am learning to not take peoples lives for granted,anymore. Meaning, I am not going to let money/work life/ or whatever it is be more important then the love ones in my life. From my understanding and in my own opinion I believe that we take peoples lives for granted without knowing it, and then when God is ready for them to leave this earth, we then realize what we had. And I can say this because of what has happened to my Uncle (RIH). My uncles death was not natural, it was a violent death, and in saying that: YOU REALLY,NEVER KNOW WHEN YOUR LOVE ONE WILL LEAVE THIS EARTH! I did not think that a bullet would rupture my uncle’s chest and then bam! I get a call that he is gone! And to make things worse, my uncle is dead because of someone (that I know) took it upon themselves to take an innocent life!: Within a moment he was here and then gone.

I do not really care if it was self defense, other precautions could of been taken before it resulted in death by a bullet! In saying all of this, you never know what life may bring, so take each day seriously and work on your life to become better: physically, mentally and financially but do not let it replaced the one you love to the point, talking is not important or saying I love is not important anymore. LIFE, is really too PRECIOUS. Do not take it for granted. Or you will be like me- wishing I would of told my uncle I love you more and talked to him more and took him out more! Even though he was on drugs, he still was my uncle breathing Gods air and I took him for granted and judge him. How I judge him?

By thinking he is on drugs, I did not want to be around him
By thinking that he does not remember me, I barely said anything to him
By holding anger in because of the way he was. I knew that he could be better then what he was, what he succumb to.

There are a lot of things we could of done to help my uncle get off of drugs. If we would of just stopped our lives for a moment! And lend a helping hand,prayed for him,  (he believed in God, so put the word of God in him) but no one (other than my brother) did anything to help my Uncle. I just judge just like the rest of us did. My brother, my cousin (his son) took him by the hand and loved on him and to my knowledge “Never Judge him.” Regardless of the usage of drugs, they still saw Uncle.

So, my thing is: Look at your life and look at other’s. Is your life that bad that you can’t stop and say I love you, let me pray for you,let’s go out, let’s talk, let me hug you, Or I will listen-POUR YOUR HEART AND MIND OUT TO ME: And if you want my advice, I will give it but only if you ask.

The situation with my uncle has changed my whole perspective on life and how I think. And my priorities. What is more important: Money or Life? I choose LIFE!!!! Because once that person is gone…..Money damn sure, can’t bring them back!

My advice: THINK, SIT BACK, BREATHE, LOOK AT LIFE, GET IN THE SLOW LANE FOR A WHILE. You will see more to life than: Materials and Money. You will see what God really has,what He has created. You. will. see. His. BEAUTY

don't judge