Sorry I have not been writing a post a day. The reason is because of work!!! Very time consuming and when I get home I am tired. I still trying to find a way to stop myself from going to sleep. For the first time in my life I want to stay awake and make my dreams come true. I am sick and tired of sleeping.But I do have some good news!!! But I will talk about that in July!!!
A DARING EXPERIENCE……
I almost became homeless,but God. I have had 3 encounters of losing my home and God came through each time. But, what was so weird is that..This third time when we almost lost the house…. I did not care about being homeless. I just left it up to God and I said to myself ” it is what it is” and I was happy. Does that sound normal or abnormal? I don’t know, but trusting in God is the best thing that I can do to keep my sanity.
I want to share something with the world and I really want everyone to take this in….. I am so serious about what I am going to say that I want it to touch everyone and I mean everyone……It might even help that one person who is being Peer Pressured.
When you have a dream that is permeated in your heart, DON’T LET IT GO!… Make your dreams come alive in this world. Do not let anyone tell you that it is not worth pursuing because they do not see your VISION. If they don’t believe in what your vision is about then don’t ever tell them about your plans of having a successful life. Even with friends/co-workers, you will know if they share the same mindset as you, just by having a simple conversation with them-and if they don’t share your VISION–cut them lose from your professional life–YOURdream, YOURvision.
IN SAYING THAT……
Don’t Stop! being who YOU are, and what YOU are trying to succeed in life; just because your family/co-workers/or friends don’t believe in YOU. If YOU stop pursuing your dreams YOU just prove them right and then YOUare not happy. Even if you fail, it still does not prove them right, it just means YOUneed to find others ways to change the world or continue working on your successful life-it just means you are closer to your success. Believe me, I have failed plenty of times…and I feel it in my bones and have faith in God that I am closer then I have ever been.
If you don’t believe in yourself, then how are you ever going to make your dream come alive! Disney said it best, “A dream that you wish will come true”. Don’t trust in anyone to support YOU or believe in what YOU are doing to make your life better.
“Always trust God and believe in yourself”
You are the only one that is going to make a difference-Make it now:)-Erica Simpson-Guthman
Sorry I have not been posting lately, I have been very tired from working and sick for the past 2 days..But I am better and more relaxed then ever ( but that should not stop me from doing what I need to do to get where I need to go!!!) Now, on to what I want to talk about today…….
I know in my previous post I mention about a rough draft of a book I wrote. I have finish my rough draft but now I am going to put it on hold and concentrate on this competition (AMTC-Actor,Models, And Talents For Christ) this competition will be held during the Winter-the end of December 2014. I am going to be submitting a “video and monologue” via the internet and then I will be judge base of those two videos. Plus, I have to do an essay on why I want to be apart of AMTC “basically, what can I bring to AMTC”. Almost like a job, but I am actually doing what I want to do with my life. If I am picked, I will be going to Orlando!!. It will take a lot of hard work but if this is what I want, then what is hard work?It is going to be fun and interesting but I think my life will really change this year, when I enter this competition. I have a lot I am going to be getting ready for before I do my videos. So. until then, look out for Erica’s Future! I am so excited…. I really do pray this changes my Life… I feel like this is my only way out of the way my life is right now and getting out of JACKSONVILLE!!!!!!!!
I guess not all the time I have to write an essay on my blog,lol. So, I guess I will just say that I appreciate everyone who took the time out to follow me and to read my post. I feel honored and special that there is someone out there in the world who cares about my opinions/thoughts. I just want to say thank you to all and God bless.
I have made my decision to choose another alternative then taking medication. I am going to find ways to combat my Bipolar w/o popping the ZOMBIES. I read on a lot of websites today that said, “You have to take medicine for your bipolar”, and I just don’t agree with that. And I have two reasons why……..
1.I remember a few years back when I spoke with my Primary Care Physician, he told me that before I result in taking the pill I should try reading a book or exercising. So, if a doctor has faith in me then why can I try other ways to deal with my bipolar?
2. I serve a God that believes that I can do anything through Christ that strengthens me. Whatever you speak in your life so shall it be- I speak that I don’t need to take any medicine even though I have my moments!!! Guys, I really believe that I can be deliver from this illness without the pills. If it does result in me taking the pills then so be it….But until then, I am in war with the (ZOMBIES -MEDICATION) and I am going to win with God and my husband on my side.
I am not trying to put anyone down that takes their medication, because if you need it then you need it. I just choose NOT to take it. That is just my choice. But, I advise anyone that is taking medication for “any mental illness”- to continue taking it. I do not know how severe it maybe. My bipolar is not as bad as others.. So, I am able to control it a little.
Just to let you know I did have a episode ( 05/21/2014 Wednesday) out of nowhere, but with prayer and pleading to God and talking to my husband… I got through it. There are always going to be trials in life but you choose how you go through it- and if that solutions works, then stick with it. God did not say, it would be easy!!!
I think I finally have come to terms with the fact that I am “BIPOLAR”… And I came to realization when I was at church. And what makes this illness and I so unique is because I am a “SINGER” that is “BIPOLAR”. Crazy, huh? I was making a decision of, if I was going to leave the church because I felt so distant and scattered. Well, as I search for an answer from God I finally figured out that it was me and not the church and I was pushing everybody else away; people on the worship team and the people closest to me in the congregation. I came to this conclusion yesterday night @ church May 18,2014 Sunday-( They had a special where it was just worship) when I was going to make my decision of staying away from others in the church and not going back to my church.
While doing worship, I began to ask God what should I do and what is wrong with me? Why am I acting the way that I I am acting? And then I just started singing to Him and worshiping and not worrying about how I sound. And after that, I broke down crying hard and said, “its me!”; I am an emotional person and I am “BIPOLAR”!
I let everything bother me, I put my heart into everything to the point it is deadly, I dissect every subtle thing a person may do or say to me; I cry because of sensitivity and I cry when nothing is bothering me, I think about cutting but I never take action ( like I use too, which is a good thing) I love so hard that if I get hurt, I take the hurt in deeply and I begin to pull away so that I want get hurt.
I sound like a nut case don’t I? Even called myself a: “Freak” But I turned the word “Freak” into “The Bipolar Gospel Singer”-which I think is pretty unique for me. I turn something that is an illness into something creative!
I am trying to deal with these problems without taking medication, but after being more detailed with my husband and telling my pastors and my worship leader what I am dealing with- they all agree that I should get back on my medicine. The reason of me telling them about my past and what I am going through today—-is because I had them very confused on my actions and the way I presented my behavior towards them. And I know they were questioning my every motive. Now, that they have an understanding of what my problem is, things are going to get better for me in church and with my personal life.
My bipolar is not as bad as it use to be but I do have my moments.
After revealing my illness, I kinda stayed to myself today at work ( May 19,2014 Monday) so that I would not aggravate my bipolar, and it worked-I mean I still spoke to people but I did not allow my personality to show like I usually do at work-and a person that has bipolar knows where I am coming from. I believe that I am going to take the medication but I will only take half. God is still working on me But, I am still debating. So, I have not Succumb to the Zombies yet. Even if I do start taking my medicine I have to search around for a free clinic because I do not have insurance to go see a psychiatrist.
I am learning to deal with my illness by putting God first and just accepting that I might have it forever or it might be temporary. Who knows? All I know is that I have been winning since I was 17 🙂
SIDE NOTE: Bipolar is very irritating and it can mess your life up and the people you love if you are not taking medication or trying out ways to deal with it. Just like cancer-FIGHT IT!, until you are delivered from the illness. I know I told you in my previous post that I was delivered from taking the medication, and I still am,even if I am going to cont taking the medication……. I speak positivity over my life and I believe that God will heal me. Remember it was my decision to get off the pill.. Not God. I will con’t to consult with the Holy Spirit more on other ways to substitute medication for other ways to help my bipolar.
PLEASE WATCH ONE OF MY SINGING VIDEOS BELOW AND SUBSCRIBE TO MY YT CHANNEL–EricaSimpson0705
That I am an EMOTIONAL person. Because of my emotions I have caused problems in the past and in my future. I believe people would not understand that I am a “little” bi-polar and I am learning how to control my emotions. The most SUBTLE things can get to me and that person will not even know that it has affected me -not saying that anyone would not caused hurt towards me, But I cause a lot of confusions by letting my emotions get the best of me and IT DRIVES ME CRAZY!!! I know the people that I am associated with (family, friends (I use that world lightly) and co-workers: will not understand why I behave the way I do and how my actions push them away…. However, certain things that I do, does not always have to be my bi-polar… But, I know the symptoms of having bi-polar episodes and I believe I have them everyday.. I just know how to control it w/o taking medication.
I do not believe that my illness is as strong and present as it use to be and I give God the glory because of it and my husband who endured the pain with me and never gave up on me- even when he did not understand.
I really want to help a lot of people with this illness-what I have been through-and all that info will be in my book that I am writing. The rough draft is finish but I still have a long way to go… I should be done by July…With the book being ready, I think!!! Lets see #excited
I get really irritated with people who do ignorant,and stupid things!!!
I mean.. You can make life easier by just “COOPERATING”, but you rather be “DIFFICULT”!!!! Aaaaaahhhhhhhh !!!!.
I just do not understand “HUMANS”, I know I am a Christian-but I sometimes want to “SLAP” people right in the back of their neck…. Just ranting here…. I talked about this situation to my husband and “to myself”, Yep!, to myself,lol.
I walked an hour today, it was kind of a choice and then it was because of the fact of not having anyone to pick me up. One “Awesome Present” about me walking from work is: The walk will benefit me losing weight. So, for now own, even if it takes an hour I am going to be walking home from work…That way- 1. “Reiterating the sentence above”-I am going to be losing weight and 2.I will get my exercising out of the way and on to doing other tasks.
There is something special I want to share. I have been feeling this a lot lately, especially in the bathroom (Don’t laugh yet- I am going somewhere with this) ; Anyways, I usually, when I am getting ready to sing on Sunday, I would be in the bathroom rehearsing my songs which turns into worship. I think, I made a place for the Holy Spirit to come in and base in my presence “In the bathroom” -in saying that: Every time I am in the bathroom, I start to feel emotional for no reason and began to cry…. I thought it was because of depression or some other mental illness that I “use” to have; Mind you, I did not feel depressed or unhappy-right then I knew that it was nothing but God’s Presence and He wanted me to worship and hearken to His gentle voice. Speaking about it now has me jittery inside, in a “good way”. When you start to want to seek God’s face, He will start coming to you-“like a child would want his mother”…….
There is this song that touches my spirit a lot, every time I listen to it. It is called: Holy by Kim Walker( I believe I talked about this in another post) But, when I listen and I sing this song I am learning how to worship God- it relates to my heart, and my mind in a “MIRACULOUS WAY” .
One part of the song that I take in so deeply is this verse: This verse below in the picture – In my heart- I let God know what He has done for me in the process of my pain and long years of dealing in agony. I am letting Him know that “He brung me out of the darkness and into the light” and I am so thankful for “His Love and Mercy”. These verses are very powerful: The whole song is awesome but these 4 verses speak to me:
Just sitting here, while I type this post, I am beginning to feel Him and I am feeling that emotion again, of wanting to cry- I know that is” His gentle SPIRIT“. My God……. Now, I know what my mom felt when she began to have that intimate relationship with God. I have always ask God- to let me have that relationship that He had with my mom and I am getting a taste of Heaven that my mother endured.…. The more I seek him, the more he will show up unexpectedly- AND I WANT THAT!! 🙂